I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
