i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
