I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
