Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
