I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
