I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
