We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
