I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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