We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
