im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize