I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
