I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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