I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
