she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
