i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize