Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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