I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
