...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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