my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
