You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I look better un-naked...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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