Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
