I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
