Plan B is the new Plan A
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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