I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
