The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
