Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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