So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
