hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
