My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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