Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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