Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
