It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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