Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
