she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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