It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
