I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
