the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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