Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
