God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
