Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
