thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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