Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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