It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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