i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
