Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
