My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
