Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
