i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
