Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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