oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
