i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
