I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You may now shotgun with the bride
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