and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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