Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
