I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
