Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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