Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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