Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
