the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
