I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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