Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
