Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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