Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
