Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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