WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
