naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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