her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
