Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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